Dear Ian: You are clearly a member of Mensa to be asking a meaning of life question. Finding two such mutually desirable but contradictory fantasies in the one person is the holy grail of relationship dilemmas and though not completely unknown, like hen’s teeth and four leaf clovers, most people are usually happy to settle for one or the other. Some even decide to reach this exalted state by having two partners, one for each, which can work well depending on the secrecy practiced by one or the tolerance given by the other. My advice therefore is to choose which is the more desirable. Alternatively, my recommendation is to take a middle road and seek “affection and companionship” – these are infinitely more important than seeking the Hallmark Romantic Fantasy and does lead to living happily ever after. I hope this at least will set you on the right path.